We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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