i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
