handjob tips. give me some.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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