Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
