i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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