Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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