I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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