when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
