The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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