What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
