his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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