these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
