I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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