question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
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