so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
