All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I think my moral compass just broke
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
