i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
