so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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