I think i sorta joined a cult last night
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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