He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
