Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
