hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
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