Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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