hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize