OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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