he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
So here I am, sexting at work.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
