im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
