Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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