She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
