i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
