i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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