Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
