and you said cock pushups were impossible
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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