Banned from zoo.
Again?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize