I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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