did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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