yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
