My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
