i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
