I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
