also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
And then he peed in my hair
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize