there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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