And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
