we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
