there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
