3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
