Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
