Me too!
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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