You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Randomize
