the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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