i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I can't turn off my feet"
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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