2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
