My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
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