tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
