i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
