but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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