You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
