she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
