I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
