I hate your face
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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