dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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