I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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