she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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