pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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