1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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