thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
