I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
