ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
