im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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