now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
