ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
