ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I need to align my fucking chakras
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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