try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
