he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
